A blog devoted to the study of cougars by their would-be prey.
Age Sweeps Youth, even the perfect 10
Dear Cougar Hunters,
It is many and often time I am reminded why the cougar is the cat for me.
The flower that is youth is beautiful in it's simplicity, it's delicacy, it's utter acknowledgement of life. I would say that a most recent experience of mine can vouch for this claim with complete sincerity. Well, I guess we all know that anyway, about youth that is, but it's important to acknowledge it from time to time.
Take me, I went out to a college bar this past week, and had one of the best nights of my life. With the 21 crowd. Now that may be a blast from the past for many of us...and yet we somehow can get right back into the swing of things, as they say.
So we have this porcelain youth in all it's fragility and splendor. That was evocative! And good lord to have oneself compromised like that, fires it all up.
With that said, youth is blind, and age has sight. Youth runs by a different set of rules -- macho, macho, macho. Age is not sweating the macho angle what-so-ever. With a Cougar, it's all about presentation and style; talent and wisdom. It's more than a pretty face. Cougars are downright self-reliant, and if you want to get one's attention, you must work hard and demonstrate your talents. And that's why age sweeps youth.
The term “Cougar” is thrown around pretty liberally these
days. This is not necessarily a bad thing; we for one
appreciate the increase in traffic to the site and apologize for taking the
last few months off.However, I do not
like it when a cat is called cougar just for being a couple years older than a guy.It devalues the impact of the
word, the lifestyle, and the spirit of the hunt.So from time to time I like to open a
discussion about who can be awarded the title of cougar.
As a cougalogist connoisseur I’ve discussed some criteria of
what classifies a cougar before, but today I’d like to meditate on something
that’s been teasing my noggin: the mellow catch.
A guy hits on a girl.
Age is not discussed, but it's assumed they are peers.
Later, it turns out there is a >10 year age gap with the woman being
older.
And they’re totally getting it on!
Analysis: First, the dude in this situation clearly has rights to the
cougar hunter titlefor preoccupying the favors of an older lady.However, IS the lass in this situation a
cougar?
She didn’t make the first moves
She’s not financially dominating
She’s not working the youth to the extent of his
athletic abilities
What do you say?
Personally, I’m going to give it to our kitten.She was attractive enough to appeal to the
hunter and whether she was the aggressor or not she still has a paw on the
situation--just a bit mellower about it.
In the seven months since I last wrote, there was an exponential increase in cougar references in mainstream media. There are even whole shows about them like "Age of Love" and "25 Hottest Cougar Celebrities". It seems like for any sitcom to keep pace they must reference cougars at least once a season and last night was "30 Rock's" turn. I would say it was only an average episode, but there were some funny moments which I've clipped below.
The thing I found most interesting about this episode was that they had such a smooth Cougar Hunter. In the second scene of the clip below, we find out that the Hunter is only 20 and he lied about his age when first introducing himself to get a date with Liz Lemon (Tina Fey). Unfortunately, later in the episode the Hunter has Liz pick him up from his mom's house and she gets bugged out by how close in age his mom looks to her = weak game.
I'm positive that a Hunter who has enough game to pick up a TV exec in her office while serving her coffee wouldn't then have her over to his mom's house after just one date, but it is TV. We appreciate the show for being unique in highlighting the skills of us cougar hunters who in this case created a cougar out of Liz Lemon. Enjoy.
I'm not too sure why cougars are getting so much attention these days. Maybe it's a cyclical thing that comes every generation and we're just rediscovering it now. Or maybe there's an increase in liberated older women who have independent incomes and free will. Whatever it is, here are some stats on two generations of cougars that may give us some insight.
Of the cougar clan, the babyboomer generation is leading the way with 42+ million females between the ages of 40 and 59 according to the 2005 US census. They outnumber the males in this generation by about 1.5 million and of those 42 million, only 65% are married with their spouse present, leaving 14.9 million lady baby boomers who aren't locked down and could be on the prowl. In 1995, there were only 10.2 million females in the same age/marital status group meaning there has been a 47% increase in cougars in the last ten years (1995-2005).
But you say, "Mr. Roblunskee-skee-skee, I'm not shackin up with no 60 year old pelt, I'm only 20."
And I don't blame you. Any g-milf, baby boomer coug who lived through the Summer of Love, three wars, and Dick Nixon will work you so hard you'll weep for a decade. So let's move on to the cougar generation who is really coming into their own: Generation X.
According to Douglas Coupland, author of Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, a Gen X'er is someone born between 1965 and 1978, but because 29 is a little young for us, we'll just look at the 2005 demographics of women between the ages of 30 and 39 (who are now about 32-41).
Overall, there was a 10% drop in the total number of females age 30-39 between 1995 and 2005. Amazingly, even with this drop, the number of these cougs who aren't married has only gone down 3.6% leaving us with about 7.4 million ripe gen-x cougies. Nice!
In conclusion, with around 22 million eligible cougs age 30-59 out there, the pickins should be plenty. Especially when you consider that there are only 21 million men between the ages of 20-29 aka the Boomerang Generation total! With more than one eligible cougar per 20-something man, I declare hunting season OPEN.
It's been a while since we've heard from a cougar hunter worth their salt. But hold the phone. Just in time for memorial day, US Marine Westin Ford of Dallas, TX has answered the call with his cougar Kathy. Fresh from his second tour in Operation Iraqi Freedom, this young Lance Corporal has gone from one trench to another. This one, he explains, "Is the kind of crevasse you can only find between two black thigh-highs."
Okay, so how does a kid barely out of high school wrangle a hellcat in her early 40s? It's simple Westin explains.
"In the corp we run ten miles a day in the desert sun. So to really satisfy me and my johnson I need a real nymph. And it's something I'm not ashamed to admit. Sometimes we go two, three, four times before bed."
Westin's approach was unconventional, but in love and war, Sun Tzu reminds us that the element of surprise is often the deciding factor.
"I followed Kathy right into the ladies room (at Dave and Buster's) and pretty much had her right there."
Westin and Kathy have been going strong since March. When asked to point out the greatest thing about dating a cougar, Westin offered this reponse.
"It's nice to wake up with wood in the middle of the night. But it's even better when the lady next to you know's how the hell to tame it."
If you saw The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night, I know you drooled a bit when Debra Messing (age 38) came out. I can only imagine her titties lathered in Elmer's glue to keep her extremely revealing dress on. Even Jay was stuttering on his first few lines of their interview. Shwwing!
Debra was on Jay's show to promote her new mini-series The Starter Wife on USA. While I will certainly never watch an episode of the show and I'm not a Debra Messing fan, the term "starter wife" intrigued me so I went to the show's website to check it out.
Molly Kagan, 41 (Debra Messing) is a successful housewife married to a rising movie executive until he divorces her because he's a jackass or whatever. "[Molly] gets shunned by other Wives Of including one of her best friends, and worst of all, she discovers her ex is dating a pop tartlet who is half his age." After that Molly probably cries a lot about how her life is so hard and finally, "discovers that it's up to her to be the architect of her new life and decide what she wants to make of it."
As a guy, I could go on and on about how ridiculous this show is, but since I don't live in Malibu or make seven figures, there’s no way for me to understand the struggles that a rich divorcee goes through.
Back to the point I'm making: A woman turned Starter Wife (you become a starter wife once you're divorced) is also a woman turned COUGAR! I know this show will never have the balls to show Molly welcome her new independence by ravaging an innocent 20-something to match her ex-husband dating the "pop tartlet who is half his age," but we can dream.
How you work a Starter Wife Cougar: According to the show she'll be a "social pariah" lingering on the outskirts of the group. The game to play here is the nuturing hunter. This injured, former zoo cougar just wants someone to listen to her. When the other cougs in the bar see you taking care of her, they too will want that emotional attention and will come after you. Those are the cougs you really want, the starter wife is just bait!
UPDATE: Finally got the photo of Messing in that revealing dress...after the jump...
There's nothing greater than getting wore out by an energetic cougar. But it's important to stay hydrated. While we all know this---many of us keeping a bottle of water and a crystal decanter of scotch on the nightstand---a recent evening highlighted the importance of hydration not just for you, but for the cougar herself.
Out at a party with a couple friends, we spotted a pack of cougars on a couch hungrily eyeing the room for fresh prey. Needless to say, our 'fight or flight' instincts went on alert; we decided to fight. Not to mix metaphors, but I went in as my buddy's wingman. He approached the cougars and got two of them out on the dance floor. After a few minutes of meaningless banter, we were too close for missiles and had to switch to guns.
But as we poured these cougars another hit of cheap red wine, they suddenly complained of tiredness and drunkenness. We realized we had crossed the line when cougars---due to their advanced age/wisdom---decide it's too late, they're too drunk and they abandon their midnight meal. I had to figure out a way to re-energize their interest in the bait I was dishing them and quick.
I ejected, leaving my co-pilot to bag his cougar on his own, and ushered my cougar (the meatier of the two) out into the foyer, where there was a bench. We sat on the bench and while she recapped her whole life story I started to regret saving this cougar from a cab ride home. But instead, I went to the kitchen and began feeding her saucer after saucer full of water to better my chances of not letting all that listening time go to waste. After about an hour my cougar come back from the brink with resounding vigor and as a bonus I even woke up the next day hangover free and ready for more.
My friend was a little slow on the agua uptake, had his coug run off with the rest of the pack and then sullied himself like a sixteen year old in the back yard.
So here's a lesson: as tempting as it is to get all drunk and throw buckshot game at some equally drunk cougars, make sure you take a time out to suck some tap or your game will dry up and get all salty. It's science.
May is a great month. The flowers begin to bloom, the air is sweet and the bodies are hot. I'm not sure what cosmic force was going on last weekend, but every hotty in the hood was out on the town. Even on amatuer night (Saturday) girls outnumbered guys 2:1 at the four bars I was at and there was a similar consensus from the other guys roaming MD, DC, nothern VA, and Virginia Beach. Awesome.
I digress. We all know that Friday night is the better night to hunt cougars and on Friday night three of us including Oliver Van Peeples went out to the classy, Gua Rapo in the Courthouse neighborhood of Arlington, VA. Gua Rapo is a restaurant/lounge with a generally mid-20/30's, international crowd. The DJ didn't have anyone on the dance floor on the second floor so we went to the first floor were there was a great merengue band playing. Oliver was able to get us a table right in front, we got a hookah and some drinks, and settled down to watch the latinas shake their asses.
Even before we got our table we noticed three cougys (maybe in their 40s) also at a front table and when we were seated next to them, Oliver spent no time breaking the ice. It wasn't long before we were talking about Columbia (their native country) and ordering someAguardiente that would "go right to our head."
While my first thought was to get one of these ladies to show me some dance moves, I knew some latin stud could easily swoop in and poach mi pantera de Bogotá while I stumbled over my feet trying to salsa. But if I just sat around chatting and the ladies wanted to dance, my talk wouldn't matter...so on to the hunt:
BAIT IT: Find out if she likes to dance without feeling obligated to dance if she really loves it.....
Last
Wednesday, during my weekly Lost (TV show on ABC) party I found myself
entranced by Danielle Rousseau (Mira Furlan). She's not a regular on the show and has
only been in a handful of episodes, but last week (Episode: 69) I got a good
look at her and said to myself, "Damn, she's a fierce ass Cougar!"
If you've never watched the show, there was a plane crash on a deserted island;
except you find out that it's not deserted and there are some hostile people
(the Others) on the island who got beef with the people who just crashed.
Rousseau isn't a part of either of the crashed folks or the Others, she's an
outsider who had her baby (Alex-a teenage girl now) jacked by the Others.
Now she just struts around the jungle in her tight, sweaty tank top with her rifle
setting up booby traps to fuck with the Others.
In the past three seasons, we haven't seen Rousseau get romantic with any of the islander's, but it wouldn't surprise me to learn that there's a bar on the island
where she sneaks up on the Others, lure's them home and works them like only a
crazy jungle cougar can. She easily trapped Ben (leader of the Others) in
the second season who might be an old lover if Ben is really Alex's dad.
Anther piece of pray that should be on Rousseau's dinner menu is Karl, Alex's
young boyfriend.
Finally, there are two new possible cougars (episodes 70-71, not yet aired) in
the underwater base that have captured Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) aka Merry the
Hobbit. In the episode previews the new possible
cougs look like they tie him up and really work him over like true cougars
would.
Unfortunately, both of these cases have women overpowering men. That's nice and all but on this blog, the men are the hunters. On
the show, it's the guys who need to start making some moves. I know
they're all stressed, but they've been on the island for three months and they've been acting like soft-ass bitches when it comes to getting their man on.
Quit hunting for fish or answers or whatever and go grab some jungle cat ass.
Alert reader, Oldtownhunter alerted us to this recent "Dear Margo" column on Yahoo news about the family of a Cougar not taking kindly to a hunter who had proposed marriage. Margo sets the the concerned family member straight by telling her, "It is damn near impossible to change the mind of a girl or a woman who's decided
she is getting married." Good news for this guy.
However, on further reading the letter to Dear Margo I wondered if a guy who has "no job and lives with his grandmother" is really a true cougar hunter. On this site we feel a cougar hunter is a man who is more mature than others in the same age range. This guy just seems to be a straight up snack for this coug and will get spit out like a chump when she realizes the flavor is only skin deep.
Excerpt:
DEAR MARGO: My aunt "Sharon" is 40 years old and dating a guy who is 24. She has
been seeing him for less than a year, and he has just asked her to marry him.
She actually said yes. We all thought it was a joke until she showed us the
ring. (She has three children, the oldest 21.) We all think she is insane. My
grandmother (her mother) told her to give the ring back and not to accept,
because he is young enough to be her child. When she realized that everyone was
against her decision, she adopted the attitude that it is "her life, and she'll
do as she pleases."
Yo, I got one:
DEAR MARGO: As far as silver Cougars go, I think you're #1! How do I get a date with you?
